screw it! giving up is so much easier because not giving up and trying and trying takes too much energy and wasted time. Times wasting and I need to make the right decisions. I can't keep waiting around hoping one day I wont have to worry about how I need to pay for school. I am SO close to finally transferring, but of course something else has to come in the way. MONEY. I can't get financial aid, I can't get loans, I don't have parents who can help me or will, I work an $8 an hr job averaging 12hrs a week. My money goes to my bills, food, gas and the money i give my mom to help HER, if I have anything left over for me it's just enough for a new shirt or something I need. I've ran up my 3 credit cards, 2 at at 2 stores, 1 through the bank. I keep applying for jobs but nothing is coming through, of course! I bombed my petco interview since I never got a call. I'm so over it and so over trying.
Giving up is easier.
Maybe I need to take more time off from school, maybe until I turn 24 so I can file as independent. Sure I'll be 26/27 when I get my bachelors, better late then never? Late start on my life. Just like everything else.
Is this punishment God? Is it? Am I not holy enough? Is it because I don't want to follow a stupid man-made doctrine and for that, everything my family tells me is whats happening? Yet people who don't even believe in you and appreciate you like I do, are well off and don't have my worries.
I'm frustrated and have NO strive to finish this STUPID geology class. No strive. What for? What am I doing this for? It's so much easier to find a full time job and just live to work.
3 comments:
Allow me to express my genuine care for your hardships. Not pity, because I'm sure you have no desire for such, but care.
Care is something the Apostolic Assembly lacks.
The "man-made" doctrine as you put it, which i assume you mean the standards have many times been preached and enFORCED with iron fists by dictactor personalities.
Regarding your current adversity, don't give up. There is hope.
Giving up is always the easiest road to travel.
It's a road with no lanes (rules), no limits (direction), and no end (destination).
I don't know you, but I know the feelings and perspective you have expressed in your writings, which I appreciate.
Faith makes things possible, not easy.
Hope to hear back.
hellooo I wrote you back and my email was delivered back to me....
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