I hate Father's Day.

Things have been so insane lately.
My mom was in and out of the hospital, I was the only one who could see her and take care of her since I don't have kids and am not pregnant. My brother was putting his wife and kids in danger by being around her. It was so tough and so stressful. Then finally she wasn't contagious anymore and my sisters could see her and be with her.

Seeing my mom at her weakest and most vulnerable state was horrifying. God could of taken her at any moment and I felt so useless and tiny.

Every day I live thinking my mom's going to be there in the room next to mine...the same routine we have every day...thinking things wont change. but they do.

I am grateful and at a loss for words as to how thankful I am that my mom is still with us and that she is slowly recovering. I am also very emotionally and physically DRAINED. I've had to go to work and put a smile on my face and sell stupid clothes and stupid credit cards to stupid rich white people that also take life for granted every day. Like omg I can't use my coupon on clearance??? LIKE OH MY GOD GET OVER IT.


There is SO much more to life. So so so much more.

I feel so bad because I can't even be there for the love of my life while he is as well going through some of those fun curve balls life throws at you.

And for the cherry on the top, my dad is going to get gastric bypass surgery this weekend.


I think my parents are trying to kill me via STRESS.



And yes I hate father's day. It will always be the day that my mom sat me down in her room to let me know my dad chose this other woman over us. The day I got home from church and gave my dad the card I made him in Sunday school and he couldn't even look me in the face nor take the card. The day that happened 11 years ago and I still hurt inside. It's so pathetic but it's a memory that plays on and on in my head. One of those memories that were dug into your brain and implanted so it could forever remain. Therefore, I hate father's day. I couldn't even call him. I sent him a stupid text message.
And I feel like a horrible daughter, but what the hell am I supposed to do?



I need to be at work at 10am and I am just trying to finish some laundry so I can have something to wear.


Peas out!