Some feelings never go away...

I will never accept her. I will never accept the fact that she is still in his life.
I hate that other "family" members are willing to deal with her and willing to see her.
I wish I could talk to her face to face sometimes.
Ask her why she had to help my dad destroy our family.
It's been over 10 years, and it hurts just like if I received the cut yesterday.
It hurts me every day.
Not a day goes by where I think of why this happened. Why did he lose sight of the most beautiful women ever?
Why couldn't he try and fix things when my mom gave him the chance?
Why did I have to find out on Father's day of 2000 and watch him leave with his bags packed...to spend the rest of his life with this HORRIBLE WOMAN. She's HORRIBLE! There is nothing good about her! she's disgusting! she's not even pretty! Inside and out, she's plain UGLY!
She cannot even COMPARE to my mother. NOT ONE BIT. WHAT THE HELL DOES HE SEE IN HER?

And why can't I let this go? After ALL the crap she puts my dad through, he still stays with her? She's psychotic and threatened to KILL herself if he left her? WHO wants to live like this?

Doesn't he ever think about how his kids are all far and are very close with their mother and all the things he missed out on? Does he care? Does he care that he missed almost every important thing that happened in my life?

Sometimes the pain was not as painful when I cut him out of my life for almost 3 years. Sometimes I wonder if I cut him out completely, if I could get over it better.

Yes, I've cried out to God SO many times. I've cried my eyes out until there were no tears left to come out.
I've asked Him SO many times for me to let this go and to let him go....to get over it and accept that he's going to stay with HER.
But I can't.

I grow a hate towards her more and more. I hate seeing photos of her with my family at DISNEYLAND. WHAT THE HELL? SERIOUSLY? The last time I ever went with my dad to disneyland was I HAVE NO FREAKEN IDEA. The last time I ever truly had him in my life was WHEN? When I couldn't remember? Perhaps when I was born?
But even then it was a lie.
Even then he couldn't keep his eyes only on my mother.

God why.......she deserves so much better.


UGH. I hate this feeling. I hate what he did. I hate how you can call him your "hero". I hate how after 10 years people just move on and rather not talk about what he did.

But it happened. A family was split apart. An 11-year-old had to grow up and face the world and it's challenges. Nothing comes easy. We all go through things. But Sometimes I feel like it's just too damn much.....